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Mini14
05-02-2007, 08:41 PM
What do you call a gigantic tornado that reduces every Muslim country to dust?
HOME RUN!

Joshua Crick
05-03-2007, 04:54 AM
Heh.

A Muslim joke, aren't they rare.

*titanium*
05-03-2007, 05:02 AM
I know a good 'jewish joke'

A Christian a (Arab) Muslim and a Jew where talking about why they beleive in god. The Christian says, i was sailing in my boat, when there was a huge storm, i thought i would be killed. I prayed to god, please help me, make the storm go away. and then for 200 meters in every direction there was calm. Now I belive in God. The Muslim said I was riding my camle in the sand when all of a sudden a huge sandstorm hit me, and so I prayed to god to help me, and for 200 meters in every direction there was calm, now I beleive in God. The Jew said I was walking down the street and i saw £50 on the floor, it was saturday and im not allowed to pick the money up, I prayed to God and suddenly for 200 meters in every direction, it was tuesday.

jay
05-22-2007, 11:31 AM
i'm not very good at telling jokes( but i am blo*dy good looking though!) but here goes-
a tourist goes to israel for the first time and wants to know what's all the fuss about the wailing wall
so,he asked someone and is told that if you pray at the wall ,your prayers will be answered
so off he goes and prays at the wall-father,bless the jews- and a booming
voice answers-I will my son
father,bring prosperity to the land-
I will my son
father,let the arabs live in peace with the jews-
you do know you're talking to a wall,don't you?

Yugoslav
05-22-2007, 12:45 PM
/\ LOL:)

An IDF joke

2 non-Jewish Sar-el volunteers were given an opertunity to sky-dive. A soldier tells them
"What you do is, you get on the plane, jump, count to 20 and press the right button and the parashute opens, if it dosent wich is verry rare, you just count again and press the left button and a safety-parashute will open, and when you come down there's gonna ba a jeep that will drive you back to the base. Do you understand"
"We, do!" reply the volunteers
So they go into the plane and in the air they jump, count to 20 and press the right button, the parashute dosent open. They count again and press the left button, nothing happens....
They look at each other, like wtf...and one says to the other
"Tipical Jewish organization, you'll see, even a jeep wont be present when we come down"

lol:biggrin:

*titanium*
05-22-2007, 05:44 PM
/\ LOL:)

An IDF joke

2 non-Jewish Sar-el volunteers were given an opertunity to sky-dive. A soldier tells them
"What you do is, you get on the plane, jump, count to 20 and press the right button and the parashute opens, if it dosent wich is verry rare, you just count again and press the left button and a safety-parashute will open, and when you come down there's gonna ba a jeep that will drive you back to the base. Do you understand"
"We, do!" reply the volunteers
So they go into the plane and in the air they jump, count to 20 and press the right button, the parashute dosent open. They count again and press the left button, nothing happens....
They look at each other, like wtf...and one says to the other
"Tipical Jewish organization, you'll see, even a jeep wont be present when we come down"

lol:biggrin:

I hate to 'knit pick' but on the parachue iv worn, it was always more of metal 'tab' attached to a cable that you pull, rather than a buttong that you push. haha sorry I just wanted to get that in there, but iv never actualy sky dived, just flown little planes with he cadets.

Yugoslav
05-22-2007, 07:09 PM
/\ It was a joke, it never is how it realy is.

*titanium*
05-22-2007, 07:22 PM
/\ It was a joke, it never is how it realy is.

I know, i just didnt find it that funny, sorry!!!

dzone
05-22-2007, 08:08 PM
Here is one joke about a Jew

Old Jew was dieing in bad and whole family gathered to say hi before he dies, while he was leing in bad he asked:" is here my lovely wife Esther" she sad:"here i am my master",than he asked again "is here my first born son,my right hand Lior",Lior sad:"here i am my father",than old jew asked again is here my secund son Shlomo my streinght" he sad here i am my father,than he asked again "is here my only daughter Noami my heart",she sad "here i am my father",suddenly with angry voice old jew screamed:" If you are all here who is in our shop than" !!!

Yugoslav
05-23-2007, 11:06 AM
/\ Similar to a Slovene joke about Gorenjci:smile:

*titanium*
05-23-2007, 01:35 PM
heh not bad, and yeah i do find that lots of jokes are adapted to diffrent situations by changing the names.

There was a Rabbi and a Priest walking by the river, and they decided to go swimming, so they took off all their clothes, and jumped in the river and went for a swim, but as they got out they saw a group of women walking by, they grabed their hats, the priest used his hat to cover his dick and the rabbi used his to cover his face. After the women walked by, the priest turns to the rabbi and asked, why didnt you cover your dick? and he replied, well in my community we recognise each other by our face.

Yugoslav
05-23-2007, 02:03 PM
/\ good one;)

dzone
05-23-2007, 02:05 PM
This was low titanium, and swearing is not allowed:biggrin:.
Here comes two jokes after 1999 NATO bombing of my country!!

1. Firs is more like funny sentence : When i hear for word Democracy, i immediately take out my pistol!!

2. Serbian boy went to study in the US before bombing,two weeks after he arrived he call hes parents and say:"mom dad i HEARD they will bomb us *(US,and NATO). Three weeks passed and he call his parents again:"mom dad THEY will bomb *us".Fifth week passed he called his parents and sad : mom,dad WE ARE bombing you !!

If you didn't get it i'll explane to u !

*titanium*
05-23-2007, 02:40 PM
Yeah I dont get it, explain....

here is a joke

A man is walking in Newyork central park and he sees a dog attacking a child, he jumps on the dog wrestles it off the child and kills the dog. A newspaper reporter happens to see it and says to him "you are a hero, tommorow all the papers will say new york man saves child" and the man replies "but Im not from Newyork" so the repoter tells him "ok, it will say american man saves child" and the man replies, but im no american, and the reporter asks him where he is from, he says "Im from saudi Arabia" the next day all the newspapers say 'Islamic terrorist murders a poor american dog.'

dzone
05-23-2007, 03:10 PM
Yeah I dont get it, explain....

here is a joke

A man is walking in Newyork central park and he sees a dog attacking a child, he jumps on the dog wrestles it off the child and kills the dog. A newspaper reporter happens to see it and says to him "you are a hero, tommorow all the papers will say new york man saves child" and the man replies "but Im not from Newyork" so the repoter tells him "ok, it will say american man saves child" and the man replies, but im no american, and the reporter asks him where he is from, he says "Im from saudi Arabia" the next day all the newspapers say 'Islamic terrorist murders a poor american dog.'

Ahahahaha i like this one:biggrin:.
Ok hear for joke n.2
Some Serbs, when they go to forgin country to live, as soon as posible they try to fit in new society , and often they don't care to there families in homeland!!
For joke n.1 That sentece is saying that democracy is violent. Don't forget how people fight for there rights in democracy:biggrin:!! Don't take me wrong i'm not communist or pro Milosevic supporter it just way it is !! Did u understand now what i wonted to say with those jokes?!
P.S. If i wont to say in Hebrew "Who is like Nation Israel",does it goes something like this "Umi'ke amcha Yisrael" !

*titanium*
05-23-2007, 03:33 PM
P.S. If i wont to say in Hebrew "Who is like Nation Israel",does it goes something like this "Umi'ke amcha Yisrael" !

its not quiet right, the problem is that what you have said in English i tihnk youv missed a word out, i can translate it but it wont be right just like it isnt in english are you trying to say "he who is like the nation of Israel"

'hu shcmo am yisrael'

you can abriviate cmo which is why what you wrote with ke. so its 'hu shke am yisrael' but it doesnt sound right, you cant always abriviate it, at least as far as im ware.

Yugoslav
05-23-2007, 04:56 PM
Here is a Bosnian joke that dzone might understand

What was the most hurtful thing that a Bosnian said to another Bosnian in War.






"Hope your house will be on CNN."




A tourist is walking in Sarajevo(Bosnian capital city) and sees a guy who is driving a marcedes and has his hand out and is screaming. A tourist starts screaming "whats with you, do you think that you are the only one with a marcedes in Sarajevo", a guy walks to the tourist and explains "His not the only one with the marcedes but he does have two arms"

lol