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  #1661  
Old 04-25-2016, 10:38 AM
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janetnjohn janetnjohn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WABA View Post
Terrorism, High Alert Causing Me Problems


After hearing the news about possible terrorism attack and a high security alert I was a little nervous,

So when I was at the checkout, and ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."

Making a mental note, so I could complain to my local MP about this security rubbish, I did just as she had instructed.

After the shrieking and hysterical remarks finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to how I should position my credit card.

Nonetheless, I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

They need to make their instructions a little clearer for seniors.

I hate this getting older stuff.




things you dont want to hear after the doctor just gave you a prostate exam..
in walks the nurse and says, " who was that?"
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Passage Isaiah 62

I have set watchmen upon thy walls, O Jerusalem, which shall never hold their peace day nor night: ye that make mention of the LORD, keep not silence,


"I ask then, has God rejected His people? By no means! God has not rejected His people whom He foreknew. For the gifts and call of God are irrevocable."
(Romans 11:1,2,29)
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  #1662  
Old 04-30-2016, 05:58 PM
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Knaur Knaur is offline
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Default A nice little poem for my married friends

I have a little Satnav, it sits there in my car

A satnav is a driver's friend, it tells you where you are.

I have a little satnav, I've had it all my life

It’s better than the normal ones, my satnav is my wife.

It gives me full instructions, especially how to drive.

"It's thirty miles an hour", it says, "you're doing thirty five."

It tells me when to stop and start and when to use the brake

And tells me that it's never ever safe to overtake.

It tells me when a light is red and when it goes to green

It seems to know instinctively just when to intervene.

It lists the vehicles just in front and all those to the rear

And taking this into account, it specifies my gear.

I'm sure no other driver has so helpful a device,

For when we leave and lock the car it still gives its advice.

It fills me up with counselling, each journey's pretty fraught.

So why don't I exchange it and get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, makes sure I'm properly fed,

It washes all my shirts and things and keeps me warm in bed!

Despite all these advantages and my tendency to scoff,

I do wish that, once in a while, I could turn the flipping thing off.
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The wisdom of the ancients has been taught by the philosophers of Greece, but also by people called Jews in Syria, and by Brahmins in India
-Megasthenes, Greek Ambassador to India, 300 BC

Why is it that on June 4th 1967 I was a Jordanian and overnight I became a Palestinian? - Walid Shoebat, PLO terrorist
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  #1663  
Old 05-05-2016, 09:10 AM
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hehehehehe!!!!!!!!! i see you met my wife then
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Passage Isaiah 62

I have set watchmen upon thy walls, O Jerusalem, which shall never hold their peace day nor night: ye that make mention of the LORD, keep not silence,


"I ask then, has God rejected His people? By no means! God has not rejected His people whom He foreknew. For the gifts and call of God are irrevocable."
(Romans 11:1,2,29)
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  #1666  
Old 09-28-2016, 04:16 AM
Little Rock Little Rock is offline
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Shalom.

I found this on the web.

Paddy walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.” Paddy replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I’m here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.”

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it.Paddy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.”

Paddy looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs.

“Oh, no,” he says, “Everyone’s fine. I’ve just quit drinking!”

Cheers
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  #1667  
Old 09-29-2016, 07:38 AM
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Originally Posted by Little Rock View Post
Shalom.

I found this on the web.

Paddy walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.” Paddy replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I’m here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.”

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it.Paddy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.”

Paddy looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs.

“Oh, no,” he says, “Everyone’s fine. I’ve just quit drinking!”

Cheers
__________________
Passage Isaiah 62

I have set watchmen upon thy walls, O Jerusalem, which shall never hold their peace day nor night: ye that make mention of the LORD, keep not silence,


"I ask then, has God rejected His people? By no means! God has not rejected His people whom He foreknew. For the gifts and call of God are irrevocable."
(Romans 11:1,2,29)
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  #1668  
Old 09-30-2016, 03:27 PM
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Knaur Knaur is offline
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__________________
The wisdom of the ancients has been taught by the philosophers of Greece, but also by people called Jews in Syria, and by Brahmins in India
-Megasthenes, Greek Ambassador to India, 300 BC

Why is it that on June 4th 1967 I was a Jordanian and overnight I became a Palestinian? - Walid Shoebat, PLO terrorist
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  #1669  
Old 10-03-2016, 11:16 AM
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but they do mention potatoes quite a lot
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Passage Isaiah 62

I have set watchmen upon thy walls, O Jerusalem, which shall never hold their peace day nor night: ye that make mention of the LORD, keep not silence,


"I ask then, has God rejected His people? By no means! God has not rejected His people whom He foreknew. For the gifts and call of God are irrevocable."
(Romans 11:1,2,29)
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  #1670  
Old 10-04-2016, 09:14 PM
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but they do mention potatoes quite a lot
Hah

But they don't demand affirmative action in return for it!
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The wisdom of the ancients has been taught by the philosophers of Greece, but also by people called Jews in Syria, and by Brahmins in India
-Megasthenes, Greek Ambassador to India, 300 BC

Why is it that on June 4th 1967 I was a Jordanian and overnight I became a Palestinian? - Walid Shoebat, PLO terrorist
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  #1671  
Old 10-05-2016, 02:21 PM
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Hah

But they don't demand affirmative action in return for it!
well they could demand free potatoes for all oppressed irish folks
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Passage Isaiah 62

I have set watchmen upon thy walls, O Jerusalem, which shall never hold their peace day nor night: ye that make mention of the LORD, keep not silence,


"I ask then, has God rejected His people? By no means! God has not rejected His people whom He foreknew. For the gifts and call of God are irrevocable."
(Romans 11:1,2,29)
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