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  #41  
Old 02-28-2010, 05:08 PM
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Okay, I actually had to google in order to get the prawn punch line...
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  #42  
Old 02-28-2010, 05:40 PM
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Default the former pope

John Paul II used to fly ALITALIA and after going downstair from the plane he kissed the ground of the country he was about to visit, or the Italian ground, coming back home.

Do you know why he used to do that?

NO?

if you ever have flown with ALITALIA you would know that.
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  #43  
Old 02-28-2010, 06:20 PM
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Default FAMILY PHOTO in photos

Would someone tell me what the point is of taking a picture like this?
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  #44  
Old 02-28-2010, 07:02 PM
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Smile Pretzel, if only Einstein's joke was so easy...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pretzel View Post
Okay, I actually had to google in order to get the prawn punch line...
After some seconds, I got to the "born-again xtian" punchline, Pretzel. Now, I am still scratching my head over the "P over U"... This sounds like a play of words, but "QED" (quid erat demonstrandum)?
This one beat me!

I don't think Janetnjohn had any idea what a cool thread he was initiating! It is one better than the other... A welcome relief indeed, and such a contrast: if "there is no fun in islam" as khomeini said, there is lots of it in the judeo-xtian camp (excluding presbyterians, LOL)!
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  #45  
Old 02-28-2010, 07:43 PM
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Default Q.e.d.

The phrase is written in its abbreviated form at the end of a mathematical proof or philosophical argument to signify that the last statement deduced was the one to be demonstrated
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  #46  
Old 02-28-2010, 08:56 PM
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Default not enough, Mr. CodeTalker!!!

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Originally Posted by TwoStrike View Post
The phrase is written in its abbreviated form at the end of a mathematical proof or philosophical argument to signify that the last statement deduced was the one to be demonstrated
I got this far: "quid erat demonstrandum" - "as intended to be demonstrated". Oh, well, let me sleep over it!
But then again, kudos to Janetnjohn for his thread (the one about the opening of the sea was a riot!)
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  #47  
Old 03-01-2010, 01:29 AM
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Default sitting shiva in america

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  #48  
Old 03-01-2010, 01:43 AM
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Default our government

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  #49  
Old 03-01-2010, 03:26 AM
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Default tell me shaine gnug anytime.

http://sendables.jibjab.com/originals/hes_barack_obama
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  #50  
Old 03-01-2010, 03:27 AM
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Default da prez

http://sendables.jibjab.com/originals/hes_barack_obama
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  #51  
Old 03-01-2010, 10:13 AM
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Default A Christian Missionary!

A christian missionary in Africa got lost in the African savanna and had to walk in the dangerous region full of predator animals.
Suddenly a lion appeared and the missionary had only one option... Pray!

The missionary fell down on his kness and start praying... while the terrific African lion was observing him at closed distance...

"Dear Lord , please give this beast a lovely christian heart".; said the missionary.

Like a wonder the lion began to fall down on its own knees and also start a prayer!!! (apparently the lion became a christian )

"Lord! says the lion,...

I thank you for the meal I am going to have now".

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  #52  
Old 03-01-2010, 05:56 PM
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Default Long ago, and far away,

Some british explorers found an uncharted, but inhabited pacific island, whose natives spoke an understandable dialect of the polynesian peoples.

With great excitement, they began to explore the native culture and beliefs. The natives believed that the island was created and maintained at the pleasure of the Foo, a gigantic prehistoric flying bird who lived in the depths of the volcano. Once a year the creature emerged and flew in circles around the island. everything he did was sacred. to show any disrespect would mean failure of rains, onset of earthquakes, eruptions, decimation of the populace. and it just so happened they had arrived at just that time. it was an omen!!

Just Then, there erupted from the volcano the great bird in a magnificent shower of sparks. The bird flew in circles, and then directly over the explorers. The head explorer was struck by........ an incredible amount of fecal material. He made a motion to wipe it away from his face, but the natives rushed to him, and explained that it was a blessing. Disgusted and arrogant, he took off his helmet, and wiped his face. the natives killed him on the spot. The moral?








If the Foo Sh*ts, Wear It!
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  #53  
Old 03-04-2010, 08:32 AM
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I will apologise in advance as this joke is quiet rude!

The priest in a small Irish villagehad arooster and ten hens.

he kept in the hen house behind the church.
One Sunday morning, before mass,he
went to feed the birds and discovered
that the cockwas missing.



He knew about cock fights in
the village, so he questioned
his parishioners in church.
During mass, he asked the congregation,
'Has anybody got a cock? '


All the men stood up.



'No, no, 'he said,'that wasn't what I meant.
Has anybody seen a cock? '



All the women stood up.


'No, no, 'he said,' that wasn't what I meant.
Has anybody seen a cock that
doesn't belong to them?’



Half the women stood up.

'No, no, 'he said,'that wasn't what I meant.
Has anybody seen “MY” cock?
Sixteen altar boys, two priests,A visiting Bishop
and a nun stood up.

The priest fainted.

.
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Passage Isaiah 62

I have set watchmen upon thy walls, O Jerusalem, which shall never hold their peace day nor night: ye that make mention of the LORD, keep not silence,


"I ask then, has God rejected His people? By no means! God has not rejected His people whom He foreknew. For the gifts and call of God are irrevocable."
(Romans 11:1,2,29)
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  #54  
Old 03-04-2010, 08:55 AM
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A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?". The Sergeant replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel."
The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me." After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!" The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied,
down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?"
The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town."
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Passage Isaiah 62

I have set watchmen upon thy walls, O Jerusalem, which shall never hold their peace day nor night: ye that make mention of the LORD, keep not silence,


"I ask then, has God rejected His people? By no means! God has not rejected His people whom He foreknew. For the gifts and call of God are irrevocable."
(Romans 11:1,2,29)
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  #55  
Old 03-04-2010, 09:22 AM
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Lessons to be learned from typing the wrong email address:


A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006


I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.


P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!
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Passage Isaiah 62

I have set watchmen upon thy walls, O Jerusalem, which shall never hold their peace day nor night: ye that make mention of the LORD, keep not silence,


"I ask then, has God rejected His people? By no means! God has not rejected His people whom He foreknew. For the gifts and call of God are irrevocable."
(Romans 11:1,2,29)
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  #56  
Old 03-05-2010, 11:12 PM
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Default National differences.

The Italian says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have wine."
The Frenchman says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have cognac."
The Russian says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have vodka."
The German says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have beer."
The Mexican says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have tequila."
The Jewish man says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have diabetes."
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  #57  
Old 03-05-2010, 11:14 PM
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Default Ethnic differences


A husband looking through the paper came upon a study
That said women use more words than men. Excited to prove to his wife
His long-held contention that women in general, and his wife in
Particular, talked too much, he showed her the study results, which
stated: "Men use about 15,000 words per day, but women use 30,000."
His wife thought awhile, then said to her husband, "That's
because we have to repeat everything we say."

The husband said "What?"
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Last edited by TwoStrike; 03-05-2010 at 11:16 PM.. Reason: Hit the wrong button
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  #58  
Old 03-05-2010, 11:18 PM
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Default Philanthropy

A visitor to Israel attended a concert at the Moscovitz
Auditorium. He was impressed with the architecture and the acoustics.
He inquired of the tour guide, "Is this magnificent auditorium named
after Chaim Moscovitz, the famous Talmudic scholar?"
"No," replied the guide. "It is named after Sam Moscovitz,
the writer.
Never heard of him. What did he write?"
"A check", replied the guide.
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  #59  
Old 03-10-2010, 12:51 PM
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It is absolutely true in war, were other things equal, that numbers, whether men, shells, bombs, etc, would be supreme. Yet it is also absolutely true that other things are never equal and can never be equal - Maj.Gen. J. F. C. Fuller

At that time, I will search out and destroy all of the nations who have come against Jerusalem - Zechariah 12:9
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  #60  
Old 03-10-2010, 08:03 PM
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Knaur, you are so right to post this kaaba thing in this thread: it is really a joke (not funny, but a joke nonetheless).
However... not in a million years would those arabs allow the british to chip their "god" for analysis. This guy is telling a lie there, so all the rest can be a fake too. What does Neil Armstrong had to say about that? Besides, I sincerely doubt that a radiation strong enough to reach mars would not be harmfull for those living around (and kissing! eeeek!) it. Although I wish the latter were true.
But granted: it IS a joke, an April's Fool prank, arabian style...
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