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  #221  
Old 10-08-2010, 10:35 PM
WABA WABA is offline
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SURE TO MAKE YOU SMILE


On July 20, 1969, as Commander of the Apollo 11 lunar module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon. His first words after stepping on the moon, " one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," were televised to earth and heard by millions.

But just before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA though it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet cosmonaut.


However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "good luck, Mr.Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.

On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay , Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. this time he finally responded. Mr.Gorsky had died, so Neil Armstrong felt he could now answer the question.
In 1938, when he was a kid in a small mid-west town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. his friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbor's yard by their bedroom window.
His neighbours were Mr. and Mrs.Gorsky.
As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs.. Gorsky shouting at Mr.Gorsky:
"Sex! you want sex?! you'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

IT'S A TRUE STORY ( or maybe not )
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  #222  
Old 10-11-2010, 06:50 AM
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that would be cool if it were true,LOL! mind you I would like to know Mr Gorsky's age when Armstrong planted his foot on the moon! can you imagine the scene in the Gorsky house? some really old guy chasing his wife around shouting 'he's done it! ....come here honey!'
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Passage Isaiah 62

I have set watchmen upon thy walls, O Jerusalem, which shall never hold their peace day nor night: ye that make mention of the LORD, keep not silence,


"I ask then, has God rejected His people? By no means! God has not rejected His people whom He foreknew. For the gifts and call of God are irrevocable."
(Romans 11:1,2,29)
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  #223  
Old 10-22-2010, 11:58 AM
haamimhagolan haamimhagolan is offline
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Couldn't resist.
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  #224  
Old 10-23-2010, 10:09 PM
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Hehehe :-) I loved this one :-)
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  #225  
Old 10-23-2010, 10:21 PM
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LOL really funny.
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  #226  
Old 10-28-2010, 03:36 AM
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Thumbs up Good USMC joke about heaven

Late one night, the U.S. Army Chief of Staff dies quietly in his sleep.
Arriving before the pearly gates just as the sun rises, the general is confident of his place in heaven. He served his country well,was wounded several times in combat and his soldiers respected him.
Suddenly, as birds sing and bells chime, the golden gates swing
open and out glides St. Peter. St. Peter stops before the general
who is wearing full mess dress with all of the required Army bells and whistles. As St. Peter looks him over, the general snaps to attention (as snappy as an Army puke can be anyway).
St. Peter addresses the general formally and says,"I'm sorry general,but we're full at the moment. You'll have to wait until tomorrow and I'll see what I can do to get you in."
The next morning, just as the sun is rising the general is joined
by the recently deceased most senior Air Force general.
Wearing his full mess dress with all of the ribbons and medals he
collected over the years, the Air Force general is sure of his placein heaven. Suddenly birds sing, bells chime and the golden gates of heaven swing open. St. Peter glides out, stopping before the two men. He addresses them both. "Gentlemen, I'm sorry but we're still too full. You'll both have to wait until tomorrow. I'll see what I can do to get you in then." Another night passes.
As the sun rises over the gates of heaven, the two generals are
joined by the most senior admiral in the Navy. In his whites with
gold braid, the admiral is confident of his immediate place in heaven.He commanded huge battleships with ease and escaped Tailhook without a scratch, surely he is guaranteed a place in heaven. Suddenly birds sing and bells chime. The golden gates swing open and St. Peter glides out. St. Peter stops before the three officers, addressing them crisply. "Gentlemen, we're still full. All of you will have to wait until tomorrow. I'll see what I can do to get you in then." With that, St. Peter executes a sharp about face and returns through the gates.
As the fourth day dawns, the sun is rising over the tops of heaven's pearly gates. The three officers await St. Peters summons. Each is sure that he will get his place in heaven before the others. Suddenly, birds sing and bells chime. The giant golden gates swing open and St. Peter glides out toward the officers. As St. Peter begins to address the men, a barrel chested, salty Marine Sergeant Major, marches across heaven's parade deck and towards the open gates.
Wearing dress blues and sporting a chest full of medals, he
confidently strides through the gates of heaven. Aghast,
the officers shout at St. Peter. "It's not fair ...
Why did that enlisted Marine get into heaven before us.
We've been waiting four days (yada, yada, yada)" St. Peter
sharply addresses the 3 whining zeros, "Gentlemen, that wasn't
just a Marine Sergeant Major. THAT WAS GOD!"
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  #227  
Old 10-28-2010, 08:27 AM
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ok, so I was listening to the news last night-I think it was skynews and a report comes on about the inquest into the 7/7 subway bombings by the followers of the religion of peace. Now, this isn't a joke but I couldn't help laughing at what the reporter said. He told the story of an off-duty polieman who was given a medal for his actions in helping the survivors of the bombing. The policeman said that when he got to the tube train it was like a scene from an erupting volcano with smoke billowing out of the train and he said that survivors started walking out of the train towards him and it reminded him of a scene out of michael jacksons thriller video..........at this point I was expecting him to say that they looked covered in blood with torn clothes looking like zombies just from the shock of what had happened.......he actually said that they walked towards him covered form head to foot in soot and all i could see was the whites of their eyes!!!! I know I shouldn't have but I couldn't help laughing at the serious look on the reporters eyes as he didn't appear to realise what he said......oh, my bad!
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Passage Isaiah 62

I have set watchmen upon thy walls, O Jerusalem, which shall never hold their peace day nor night: ye that make mention of the LORD, keep not silence,


"I ask then, has God rejected His people? By no means! God has not rejected His people whom He foreknew. For the gifts and call of God are irrevocable."
(Romans 11:1,2,29)
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  #228  
Old 10-28-2010, 12:56 PM
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China will definitly shot it down if those imperlist come.
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  #229  
Old 10-28-2010, 01:20 PM
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And why you always joke about Irish?
Are the did some stupid things on history?
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  #230  
Old 10-28-2010, 02:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zerfy View Post
And why you always joke about Irish?
Are the did some stupid things on history?
have you ever met an irishman!!!!!!
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Passage Isaiah 62

I have set watchmen upon thy walls, O Jerusalem, which shall never hold their peace day nor night: ye that make mention of the LORD, keep not silence,


"I ask then, has God rejected His people? By no means! God has not rejected His people whom He foreknew. For the gifts and call of God are irrevocable."
(Romans 11:1,2,29)
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  #231  
Old 10-28-2010, 11:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by janetnjohn View Post
have you ever met an irishman!!!!!!
Nope.I have met some English people in my school.They are very shy and reserved.But the also proud of their view.

I only known IRA.
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  #232  
Old 10-29-2010, 02:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by janetnjohn View Post
have you ever met an irishman!!!!!!
An Irish family have been found frozen to death outside Dublin Odeon Cinema. they had been queuing for 3 weeks to see

"closed for the winter"
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-Megasthenes, Greek Ambassador to India, 300 BC

Why is it that on June 4th 1967 I was a Jordanian and overnight I became a Palestinian? - Walid Shoebat, PLO terrorist
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  #233  
Old 10-29-2010, 06:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Knaur View Post
An Irish family have been found frozen to death outside Dublin Odeon Cinema. they had been queuing for 3 weeks to see

"closed for the winter"
very cool!

how do you confuse an Irishman?
put him in a round room and tell him to stand in the corner!
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Passage Isaiah 62

I have set watchmen upon thy walls, O Jerusalem, which shall never hold their peace day nor night: ye that make mention of the LORD, keep not silence,


"I ask then, has God rejected His people? By no means! God has not rejected His people whom He foreknew. For the gifts and call of God are irrevocable."
(Romans 11:1,2,29)
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  #234  
Old 11-02-2010, 01:07 AM
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An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees.


One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.


He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.


As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.


He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.


One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'


Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator...'


Some old men can still think fast..
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  #235  
Old 11-02-2010, 02:17 AM
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The wisdom of aging!!

odie072
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That might of been the sad end of the story. But Nemo refused to give in without a fight. Ignoring his serious head wound, the 85 pound dog threw himself at the Vietcong guerrillas who had opened fire. Nemo's ferocious attack brought Thorneburg the time he needed to call in backup forces.

Although severely wounded, Nemo crawled to his master and covered him with his body.
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  #236  
Old 11-02-2010, 08:27 AM
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Nice one WABA!!!!

oh! BTW are you ready for a pasting the good old sport of cricket? COME ON the BARMY army!!!!!!
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Passage Isaiah 62

I have set watchmen upon thy walls, O Jerusalem, which shall never hold their peace day nor night: ye that make mention of the LORD, keep not silence,


"I ask then, has God rejected His people? By no means! God has not rejected His people whom He foreknew. For the gifts and call of God are irrevocable."
(Romans 11:1,2,29)
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  #237  
Old 11-16-2010, 10:37 AM
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http://www.funnymail.co.za/email/the-man-rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered 1. ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one.
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you already think you’re fat, then don’t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing’, We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really.
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.
But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.
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Passage Isaiah 62

I have set watchmen upon thy walls, O Jerusalem, which shall never hold their peace day nor night: ye that make mention of the LORD, keep not silence,


"I ask then, has God rejected His people? By no means! God has not rejected His people whom He foreknew. For the gifts and call of God are irrevocable."
(Romans 11:1,2,29)
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  #238  
Old 11-22-2010, 10:54 PM
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British Suicide Bombers on Strike!

Suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike next Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda Central announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25%, from 72 to only 54, effective immediately. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and the subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife, coupled with other factors contributing to a decline in the virgin supply. The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or BOOM) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Mustapha Fook told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in our teeth."
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We sympathize with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace and a difficult economy. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife, which is not helped by the downturn in the economy which is driving virgins to cash in their chastity. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting compensation, but I'd hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."
Spokespersons for the union in Newcastle, Middlesborough, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect their operations as "There are no virgins in our areas anyway."
Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has also been attributed to the emergence and popularity of that Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are less keen on rushing to paradise.
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  #239  
Old 11-22-2010, 10:57 PM
WABA WABA is offline
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British Suicide Bombers on Strike!

Suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike next Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda Central announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25%, from 72 to only 54, effective immediately. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and the subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife, coupled with other factors contributing to a decline in the virgin supply. The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or BOOM) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Mustapha Fook told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in our teeth."
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We sympathize with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace and a difficult economy. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife, which is not helped by the downturn in the economy which is driving virgins to cash in their chastity. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting compensation, but I'd hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."
Spokespersons for the union in Newcastle, Middlesborough, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect their operations as "There are no virgins in our areas anyway."
Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has also been attributed to the emergence and popularity of that Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are less keen on rushing to paradise.
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  #240  
Old 11-23-2010, 01:22 PM
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I like it WABA, keep up the good work!!
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Passage Isaiah 62

I have set watchmen upon thy walls, O Jerusalem, which shall never hold their peace day nor night: ye that make mention of the LORD, keep not silence,


"I ask then, has God rejected His people? By no means! God has not rejected His people whom He foreknew. For the gifts and call of God are irrevocable."
(Romans 11:1,2,29)
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